I'm Being Fair

1) New York Mets: With the Tigers being swept by the White Sox (again), it's obvious the Mets are the most consistent team in the major leagues.
2) Detroit Tigers: Even after the serious beatdown by Chicago, the Tigers are still the class of the AL Central (for now).
3) Chicago White Sox: Ozzie Guillen is going to say something wildly inappropriate any day now. He's due.
4) New York Yankees: You just knew that Chien Ming-Wong was going to be rocked at some point. He never strikes anyone out.
5) Boston Red Sox: Wily Mo Pena is the poor man's Adam Dunn. Oh yeah, and his first name needs another L in it. Who spells Willy with one L?
6) Oakland A's: Even if Rich Harden comes back soon, he might not be in good enough shape physically to have a big impact.
7) Los Angeles Dodgers: Greg Maddux looks like Greg Maddux. I think everyone should leave the Cubs, it'll make them all feel better.
8) Minnesota Twins: I wouldn't count on Liriano coming back this year, and I also wouldn't count on the Twins making the playoffs. Actually, I think there's almost no chance of that happening now.
9) Los Angeles, um, Anaheim, uh, Angels of An...oh, hell, the Angels: I was thinking of dropping the Angels to 53534th, because they have the dumbest name EVER. Not like I'm harping on it or anything.
10) Cincinnati Reds: The Reds have gone from shooting for the Wild Card to hoping for the NL Central crown.
11) St. Louis Cardinals: HAHAHAHA...you got swept by the Pirates! The Cardinals should forfeit the rest of the season for that.
12) San Diego Padres: Skip Bayless says Mike Piazza is not a Hall of Famer. It's not like he has the most HRs of any catcher ever or anything. Why does Skip Bayless have a job? (P.S. Still a Piazza fan).
13) Texas Rangers: Michael Young is coming pretty close to going from underrated to overrated. Can't we just say he's a perennial All-Star and call it even?
14) Toronto Blue Jays: So much for taking the AL East from the Yankees and Red Sox. The Blue Jays traded a .300 hitter for basically nothing and are out of both the divison and wild card races. Good to see their off-season moves have paid off for them.
15) Houston Astros: Last year in the NLCS, I think we saw the absolute destruction of a man's psyche. Ever since Pujols hit his titanic home run off of Brad Lidge in Game 5 last October, Lidge just can't seem to get his head right.
16) Philadelphia Phillies: Wow, the Phillies kicked the crap out of the best team in baseball. I bet they lose the next three games in the series. The Mets are probably very angry right about now.
17) Arizona Diamondbacks: Is it sad that Jorge Julio was assigned to mop-up duty in the Mets bullpen, but he's the closer in Arizona? Or is it more sad that he has converted 15 of 18 save opportunities since joining the D-Backs?
18) Seattle Mariners: Adrian Beltre is paid alot of money, and I think he's earned very little of it. I think Terry Tate needs to "talk" to him.
19) Florida Marlins: Apparently Jeffery Loria almost fired Joe Girardi over the weekend. Good call, let's start the fire sale before the World Series win this time. Saves time.
20) Colorado Rockies: The Rockies are 15th in the NL in HRs. That's surprising, considering they play in that baseball field in orbit.
21) Milwaukee Brewers: I miss the little Mexican Hot Dog (Chorizo). Well, I don't really miss it, but I couldn't think of anything good to say about the Brewers. Oh, here's something: They have a big slide over the center field fence.
22) Atlanta Braves: They don't have a slide anywhere near the outfield. Also, Chipper Jones' real first name is Larry. So, to sum up, the Braves suck.
23) San Francisco Giants: Barry Bonds' knee is holding up pretty well so far. Pretty well = warning track power. He's boring when he doesn't hit home runs.
24) Washington Nationals: Alfonso Soriano is ridiculously good. I hope he stays with the Nationals, or they get Youppi! back. I'm wishing for Youppi!. (Can you do a !. if the ! is part of the name? Oh well, I just did.)
25) Cleveland Indians: Travis Hafner is another of those underrated/overrated guys (see Michael Young). He's really good, but on a losing team you have to have a record-setting season to even have a chance. He's no A-Rod. (I'd throw in the stat about the 6 Grand Slams and the clutch play of A-Rod, but that's just too easy.)
26) Baltimore Orioles: Miguel Tejada gets traded in the offseason. He's too enjoyable of a player to be in such a depressing situation.
27) Tampa Bay Devil Rays: It's kind of sad to think about, but there is about a .000001% chance of the Devil Rays ever beating either the Red Sox or Yankees. They're pretty much doomed.
28) Chicago Cubs: Carlos Zambrano is leading the NL in Ks. That's really good. He's also leading the league in walks. That's not so good. Neither are the Cubs in general.
29) Pittsburgh Pirates: I had the Pirates and the Royals basically the same, and decided that when you sweep the division leader, you get the edge. That's the highlight of the Pirates season.
30) Kansas City Royals: I like how Dayton Moore is doing things in Kansas City. Give it 20 years or so and they'll be mediocre. Yippee.